Phase – II

When two beings of opposite sex (yes, it happens in same sex also, but I won’t talk about abnormals) come close, confine themselves in each other, subsequently they develop a bonding amid them. And when the relation is true then it becomes quite difficult to stay apart.

And finally when circumstances force you to leave each other’s hand, at that time life seems dull, you don’t enjoy anything going around yourself, how much interesting the happening may be…

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This phase and this change surely matters more than phase – I.

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I met Sana last April. Glittering green eyes, soft glossy hairs, cute and jolly smile, seeing her grin, I use to forget all my worries, tribulations didn’t bother me then. Sweetness in tone and intellectual mind, very significantly the way she was concerned about me, all this made me fall in love with her.

The charm, the beauty & the unfathomable grace that I was looking for was with me then. Those who laughed and scorned me yesterday are sorry that they were not looking as I did. I was bewildered by the magnificence of her beauty and wished to see her with hundred eyes. My heart was passionate and contended with the wondrous beauty and a loving soul that I now behold. She had breathed new life into me. Every fiber of my being was in love with her.

I was happier than ever. Slowly but surely we loved and made confine ourselves in each other.

I was very serious about Sana, and had an unwavering notion and belief that we will stay together forever. As I confine in her, I started getting dependent as well. Every action of mine was related to her, her expressions and her prose boosted me and that was so loving, I could not explain even. "I am all yours" said Sana on 15^th may ’10 and the same was from my side.     

Just after a few days, a change occurs & smashes everything. Love was on the peak when it was badly hit by a storm. I could not figure out the change and what was the reason for that. But that has badly affected me, my health, my studies, my focus and my mental status even & still I have not able to resolve myself. I could not think anything other than Sana. We kept talking and fighting… & even at times everything would become fine, but it never lasted for more than 2-3 days.

I was not able to support myself and then I started smoking and gradually am badly addicted to it now. That was really a bad phase when it all began.

Time passed on & I tried diluting all the problems. Even Sana was affected by these differences, & that was noticeable.

When I met people in college after summer vacations they forget to greet me and say ‘abe ye kya halat bana li h… kamzor kaise ho gaya… ghar walo ne nikal dia kya?’ I don’t blame Sana for any of these things, it’s just that I was weak and got dependent on someone instead of being interdependent. I can’t explain my level of dependency.

Months passed & still we were together but none of us was contended then. It made us happy when we use to spend time together, outings were memorable than anything else in my life. When she was going home on 25^th aug. and when she came back those moments are like treasures for me. Even 11^th sep, when I had to go Indore but I enjoyed those moments with her. The  moments are not much but they are incredible.  

Situations started moving on track and the problems were getting dissolved. It was Christmas Eve, when we promised each other again. That showery breeze and hand in hand we sat, that was the most loving moment in my life.

Well, the destiny screwed it again and now we aren’t together. I know she still loves me and I also know that you won’t ask this for me. Undoubtedly, I love her so much.

It’s again difficult to lead without her. I am trying to recapture the old Sukesh but it isn’t that easy without Sana.

We are separated and again none of us are happy. Every moment kills me without her and I know the same is happening with my darling. 

I also count my share in making our story sad. Sana made mistakes, created a dark scene and all this frustrated me… I acted like mad sometimes, yelled out like anything. I wanted her to give me my love back & help me come out of all this. I agree I behaved quiet indecently at times but I was always loyal and loved her very much. I said many things in aggression but never meant them.

Today I just apologies for what all I did, but you…yes am talking to you Sana… does u realize, what you mean to me. I still love you but I don’t trust you… I don’t trust that will you ever confiscate these differences and misunderstandings & make me contended again!

Trying & am trying hard. But the one who killed me will become my judge?? Never…

Sukesh