Some quiet time alone!



January '11-June'11

This is a mad world we are living in. And I hate everyone around me & sometimes even myself. Got no particular reason, no justified clear facts, but simply I do.

I can’t figure out the dynamics which swayed & turned the motion of the wheel around me.

And the bloody history recurs; I am blamed for things not done my ME, same as in school. And it hardly matters me, I am least, least bothered now.

Because it isn’t worth. Absolutely not.

There are many more things. Many more comings and goings. Many more everyday & pending jobs in life which needs my attention. Career, Parents, Family & a loving loyal girl who genuinely understands sazzy ;-). I wish if I could easily ponder on them. :(

For now I want to stay alone, away from everything which hurts. I want my world where I love myself & I need only humans here not those who just bluff around. 

A world of peace. A world of introspection. A world of life. A world of HONESTY. A world of love.

Really I am shattered.

I was never so weak, never laid on someone to decide all the events & priorities in my life. The personal plans are fucked up now.

I know it’s a gloomy write-up & those who do not like it can quit reading here. It’s my blog, it’s my world & I got no one else to share the inner me other than this unspeaking blog.

The expectations are drained & I know you are roughly bothered.

It was a highway onto hell where I was rolling from so long. Now it’s crystal clear.

Never mind where I was colluded, now when I have known, should I be impressed with myself or be plain upset?

Aah.. I wish, if could lock up my heart & save it from all cracks.

I wish it worked for my life!

ch – the funloving old sazzy
Delete(9^th may ’09 – 10^th june ’11)
getch;

It’s easy to get caught up in the routine, schedules & crazy things… Lost, submerged totally into it. Where we would go blind for the things really important to us!

And then the moment of loneliness? Is it easy to compete with?

Ohh… my life is a complete chaos!

And love life is a mess. Oh it has always been!!

******

I wanted to hold u

Just here, where I am.

But my loyalty did not constrain

My tears are not drained

Memories walk along

And now it’s difficult to survive

Never expected that you will deceive

******

Gosh.. I don’t want to be a slave of my weakness!

******

It’s all gonna end tonight

All my needs and expectation

All I don’t want to desire

Slowly diminishing like a falling star

Down the drain & too far.

I can’t explain when you can’t

I can’t forget, long back the kisses you did plant

But it’s all gonna end tonight.

I wish if your insight could make it right.

The deep emotions could bring some light.

But it’s too late to fight.

Nothing’s gonna be bright.

I was at fault when you are blind.

But it’s all gonna end tonight.

Someday, may be the darkness turns to light

But for now it’ gonna end!

I screamed and you walked away. Now, I am in a small town of “please don’t leave me alone” and you moved to an island of “GoodBYE”

It’s a sudden freefall and into this madness I want to take a stake – I just want to stay alone!

May be, pondering on may heal!

Sukesh