Dreams

I dream daily. Many a times I forget it by the time I wake up but I dream on a regular basis. I dream about almost everything.

I dream of love, I dream about life, I dream realities, I dream fictions, I dream death, I dream about lies, I dream truth, I dream of past, I dream future, I dream lust, I dream peace, I dream god and I also dream devil.

Sometimes I even want to lock that stage of sleep, that stage of dream. Wish if I really could.

But this sudden encounter with reality has made me quite numb! I am dreaming weird. Actually it isn’t weird. It is something surreal, something unusual.

Okay, here is a clear picture.

I went to doc last Saturday. He said, ‘symptoms are similar to jaundice plus your liver is not functioning properly’. Gave a few colourful meds and asked me to come back on Monday. Also he was saying ‘glucose ki 2 bottle lagwa lo abhi’. I thought better to ignore him on that note and did that as well.

That was the second time in past one year when a medical practitioner warned me about my boozing habits in context to my life. I was stunned.

Actually I don’t fear death; I fear a death with unachieved ambitions. My soul will keep wandering in the universe till the time god exits.

That statement of doc did not let me sleep properly. My dreams were tortured. My dreams were afraid in nature. I thought what if I die tonight? I even updated that status on BBM : P

Humour apart, but this was something like a shock. I know myself well. In fact, I know myself so well, that I fear defining myself to 'myself'.

That night my dream left me stranded on a highway. Alone and pale. I was afraid of death for the first time, just because I have not achieved what I always wanted. I have not lived my life yet. I have certain tasks, certain ambitions, certain dreams, certain thoughts and a few people for whom I wanna live. And everything faded for that moment.

In past one year I have lost many friends, I have lost many good people, I even lost Sana. :’( . On an average I heavily booz thrice a week (I can’t be more brutal than this!) and then call my friends. So, who the hell gonna tolerate me that way! Understood and justified. I have no complains.

But I have been in love with you all the time, even a year after my breakup, I am Sana. My dear unfriend Friends I even respect you and love you as I used to. I am not sure how should I confess.

This post is just to yell out! I want to write every shit which hits my mind now. I can’t blame anyone else other than me. I lost I won, I got the credit and I have also got the shit!

My dreams are big, much bigger than my actions and that stresses me up! Plus my regular destructive attitude towards myself is another fucking fearing factor.

I don’t know what I am craving for? Love? Luck? Peace? Friends? Don’t Know.

There are some more serious issues running at my work place which are bothering my dreams. Should solve them soon.

Somehow I always find me in WTF situation! Needles to say, I am an idiot.

Now, all what I care about are my dreams. It involves everything, my family, friends, ambitions; Everything. Like everyone else, I want to keep dreaming to all corners. That weight of world and its complicated affairs will take away my little peace and will disturb my dreams. My dreams, my imaginations – I appreciate myself just for a single reason that I still worry about them. 

...deep down, there's something not right. the lack of ______? *can't breathe properly*

This is the song, which I keep humming these days. It's something which makes my day :-)

Sukesh